


Last Young Renegades

by bandable



Series: skz works [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Alternate Universe - Orphanage, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bullying, Crying, Cute, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Nightmares, Orphans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Protective Hyungs, Yang Jeongin-centric, this isn't as heavy as it seems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-07 09:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13432215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bandable/pseuds/bandable
Summary: The moment that Jeongin stepped intoNew Days: A Home For Boyswith just a backpack and the clothes on his back, he knew his life was never going to be the same.AKA ; I wanted to write SKi hurt/comfort and this happened lol you're welcome





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! :-)
> 
> this was inspired by a few different fic tropes and i'm pretty excited to write it! 
> 
> it was also inspired hardcore by how much ski love each other?? especially the way that they treat jeongin -- it makes my heart melt 
> 
> ((i love them so much aijdif))
> 
> for writing purposes i had to change ages bc ((at least in america)) after you turn 18 you're kicked out of the 'system' and left with some government money and basically told "good luck".
> 
> chan + woojin - 17  
> minho - 16  
> changbin - 15  
> hyunjin, jisung, felix + seungmin - 14  
> jeongin - 13
> 
> ((i'm basing the schooling off of america too lol so chan and woojin - seniors (12th grade), minho - junior (11th grade), changbin - sophomore (10th grade), '00 line - freshmen (9th grade) and jeongin - 8th grade))
> 
> i hope you all enjoy! i know i enjoyed writing this :)

At the age of thirteen, Jeongin should be going through his emo phase and acting like, now that he was a teenager, he was much older and more mature. He shouldn’t be grieving the death of his parents, and moving cities to the only ‘home for boys’ in the area, after his social worker couldn’t find a single relative willing to take him in.

When he had gotten home one evening after soccer practice to find the front door of his house ajar and the front window shattered, he knew something wrong. Upon entering the house, he wishes he never had. The scene that was laid before him would haunt his dreams for the rest of his  _life_ , he was sure.

His screaming attracted the neighbor. The rest of the night was a blur of sirens and flashing lights; a blanket was pulled over his shoulders as he was helped into the back of a police car, a backpack being shoved into his hands filled with clothes from his closet. Yellow crime tape weaved around the house. There an ambulance parked on the street. A paramedic exited the house, shaking their head at another paramedic, and all Jeongin remembers is bursting into tears and harsh sobs until he fell asleep in the back of the cop car.

He spent the night at the police station, the receptionist offering him a more comfortable blanket as he fell asleep on the couch in the office.

The next morning, he met his “social worker”, a man named Kalum. He was nice enough, but obviously detached from his line of work.

After what felt like hours of being in the dark, a phrase passing through the lips of a passing officer left Jeongin’s entire world to come crashing down. “…An orphan now, what a shame.”

He would later come to find out that it was burglary. The house was the nicest on the street and when his parents were coming home from a grocery store-run, they were attacked. There was no hope for them.

Kalum had the audacity to tell Jeongin that he was lucky he had soccer practice that night. He couldn’t help thinking that that was the least reassuring thing someone could have said to him in that moment.

Around 5 that evening, Kalum came back into the office where Jeongin  _still_  was. He had been fed—well, offered food that he left untouched, claiming he wasn’t hungry. Kalum seemed distressed as he sat across the table from Jeongin. “We… we couldn’t find any relatives—”

Jeongin, cut him off, throwing every manner he had been taught out the window, “W-what? I have an aunt, she lives—”

“We couldn’t find any relatives willing to take you in.” Kalum cuts him off right back.

Jeongin’s heart sinks. He should have known his aunt wouldn’t want him. She had four kids of her own and had never liked his family much anyway. And why would she want to take in a walking, breathing, image of her dead sister?

“Oh.” Jeongin replies, not knowing what else to say.

“I’m really sorry, Jeongin.” Kalum says, “But the only option is…” He takes a breath, “There’s a home for boys about two cities over. It’s the closest one. I know the owner there, she’ll take good care of you.”

Jeongin doesn’t answer. He’s thirteen, his parents are dead, and the one relative he has doesn’t want him. What else is he supposed to do? Demand to stay? He doesn’t want to be anywhere near the house or the scene that he knows will forever be ingrained in his mind. He doesn’t want to be alone, though. He doesn’t want to leave everything he’s ever known to go live in a… home for boys for the next five years of his life. But what choice does he have?

Kalum smiles sadly at the boy sitting in front of him. “I know it’s not ideal… but I don’t have many other choices.”

Jeongin wipes away the one tear that fell, “Okay.”

“I’ve already called to let Edna know that we’re coming. If we leave now, we’ll be able to make it by 7. I can have them save you dinner, if you’d like.” Kalum offers, standing up.

Jeongin shakes his head, “I’m not hungry.” He says, but stands as well.

Kalum looks at the food still sitting on the table from earlier, untouched. He knew that it was a lie, but wasn’t going to press the matter. “Okay. Well… let’s get going then.”

-

The horizon nearly hid the sun completely by the time they arrived. Jeongin stood on the porch next to Kalum who knocked on the door twice. He glanced up at the sign to the building, chipping slightly at the edges. “ _New Day: A Home for Boys_ ” it declared. He couldn’t help but find it an ironic name.

He could hear footsteps approaching the door and clutched the strap of his bag tighter, anxiety filling his gut. The door was pulled open to reveal an older woman, hair graying a little at the edges, but still pretty. “Hello!” She said, wiping her hands on the dish towel that was over her shoulder, “You must be Jeongin! I’m Edna,”

Jeongin bows, and then shakes the woman’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you,” She said, “I’m sorry it had to be under such circumstances.”

Jeongin winces, but if she notices, she pretends she doesn’t. “Why don’t you come in? It’s cold out there! I can make you something really quick if you’d like.”

Kalum smiles at her, as Jeongin steps inside to the building. “I’m not hungry, thank you though.” He tells her, and then glances around the foyer.

There wasn’t much to it. It had a small table next to the door with a bowl filled with different sets of keys in it. There was a pile of shoes next to it, as well, and hooks lined the opposite wall. Backpacks were on the floor under the hooks, jackets hung up haphazardly on the hooks. There was a bench of sorts pushed up against the last wall, cubbies underneath the bench filled with different buckets of what looked to be school supplies.

It felt… homey in a weird way. Jeongin felt like he was intruding.

He had zoned out and missed Kalum telling Edna to make sure he ate  _something_ before he went to sleep. He was only broke out of his thoughts by Edna saying, “Goodnight, Kalum. Have a safe drive back!” and the door shutting.

He looks at her, eyes wide and fear filling his body as he realizes that he was completely and irreversibly left without a single person he knew in any way. “Well,” She starts, firmly, “Why don’t we go get you settled into a room?”

He breathed out a bit in relief, glad that he wouldn’t have to meet any of the other boys just quite yet. He nods and follows her as she walks down a narrow hallway, and up just as narrow stairs. “Right now, there are eight other boys staying here. You’re the youngest now, but the other boys are very kind-hearted. I’m sure you’ll get alone with them great.”

Jeongin wasn’t too sure. He didn’t get along with a lot of people back at his old school. He played soccer, but was only friends with one of the other team members. The rest of the team avoided them usually, and outside of soccer, his only other friend had been a year older than him and had entered high school while Jeongin was still in middle school for another year.

He was pretty sure that these boys wouldn’t like him, just like no one at his school did either.

He follows Edna down the hallway, the two stopping in front of a door with a wooden ‘S’ and ‘J’ hanging on it. The ‘S’ was covered in different stickers and the J was a solid blue with a hat hanging off the corner. “You’ll be sharing a room with two of the other boys, I hope that’s okay?”

Jeongin wasn’t sure why she asked, knowing that there wouldn’t be anything he could do if he said no. “Yes, that’s fine.” He replies, quietly.

She knocks on the door, the voices behind it quieting as she pushes it open. “Hey, boys,” She steps into the room, and Jeongin follows her, not wanting to be left in the hallway. “This is Jeongin, he’s going to be staying here a while.”

Jeongin tries not to react to “a while”. A while? More like until he was eighteen and an adult, and expected to go out in the world and be independent. A while? Yeah. More like five years.

“Jeongin, this is Seungmin and Jisung.” She points as each boy as she introduces them, “I’m sure you’ll soon be basically best friends.”

There was a loud crash from one of the other rooms, and then yelling. Edna groans, “I’ll be back.” She says to Jeongin before rushing out of the room, “Felix, I swear to god, if you broke so…” Her voice fades as she retreats further from the room.

And suddenly Jeongin is left alone  _again_  as he seems to be so often lately. “Hi!” The boy who was introduced as Seungmin says, smiling brightly at Jeongin.

He was sitting on the top bunk of a bunk bed. Or, more like, leaning over so his torso was dangling off, so he could talk to Jisung who was sitting on the bottom bunk. There was a single bed pushed into the corner that Jeongin assumed was going to be his.

Jeongin could feel his hands shaking from where they were gripping his backpack. “Oh. Uh, hi.” He replies awkwardly.

Jisung rolls off the bottom bunk, landing in a heap on the floor ungracefully. He stands up and shakes Jeongin’s hand. “I’m Jisung, like Edna said, and this is Seungmin.”

“I-I’m Jeongin.” He stutters a little, but Jisung chooses to ignore it, and Jeongin thanks the Lord in his head.

Seungmin rolls so he’s sitting up on the bed, “So why are you here?” He asks, and squawks when Jisung reaches up and slaps his thigh harshly.

“You can’t just ask someone that!” Jisung scolds.

Jeongin winces, “I… I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“That’s okay!” Jisung is quick to amend, “Seungmin can kinda… not have a filter sometimes. He’s spending too much time around Felix.”

There was a distant, “Hey!” From one of the other rooms and both Seungmin and Jisung laugh.

Jeongin feels awkward and out of place. It’s obvious that the other boys here all know each other well and seem to be friends. Not to mention that Edna said he was the youngest. How was he supposed to get along with people who were all older than him? Especially when he feels so awkward and small anyway.

“Do you want to meet the others?” Seungmin asks, sliding off the top bunk, “It’s our movie and game night, and I think Hyunjin’s convinced Chan to let us play Just Dance again.”

“Which is probably a very bad idea, since Minho almost knocked Woojin out with the Wii remote last time.” Jisung shook his head.

This only left Jeongin feeling more out of place than before. They had movie and game nights? They all seemed to be very close, and Jeongin felt even more like he was intruding that he had before.

He felt isolated and alone, and could feel panic setting in deep in his bones. “I… I think I just want to sleep.” He offers, “Sorry,” He adds quietly.

“Ah, well, there’s always next week,” Jisung shrugs, “That’s your bed,” He points at the empty bed in the corner. “We’ll try and be a little quieter tonight, so we don’t bother you too much. But if we’re too loud just come tell us to shut up and we will.”

“O-okay.”

Seungmin heads to the door, “Hey, Jisung, last one there has to play against Changbin!” He calls behind him.

Suddenly both boys were out of the room, laughter and yells fading down the hallway and stairs. Jeongin was left alone, once again.

He glances around the now empty room. There was a dresser against the wall by the window, different stuffed animals, books, and figurines on the top of it. A desk was next to it, textbooks and pencils thrown carelessly across the surface. The closet was on the adjacent wall, door slightly open as it seemed there were a lot of shoes or something on the floor. It seemed cozy, and Jeongin wondered if there was any way he was ever going to feel at home in this place. He highly doubted it.

He takes his backpack off, unzipping it and grabbing out the one pair of pajamas inside. He shuts the door that had been left open behind Jisung and Seungmin and quickly changes, shoving his clothes inside the bag. He sets it on the floor next to the bed, turned off the lights, and got under the blanket. The bed felt cold and foreign, and Jeongin rolled over so he was facing the wall.

Only when he could hear laughter and music from down the stairs did he allow the tears he had been holding in all day to fall. He muffled his sobs as well as he could into the pillow and wished that he was anywhere but here, with his parents again.

-

Jeongin woke up the next morning feeling shittier than he had felt in a long time, possibly ever. He was brought back to reality feeling groggy and like he had just gotten hit by a bus. He couldn’t remember where he was for a moment, wondering why there were so many voices trying to shush each other before it hit him, and he remembered everything that had happened the past three days. He hadn’t even opened his eyes yet, and already knew that today was going to suck.

“Be quiet, you’re going to wake up Jeongin!” He could hear someone whisper harshly.

“It’s not my fault I’m trying to get dressed for school in the  _dark_ , Jisung! This isn’t exactly easy.” Another voice whined quietly.

“Edna said we’d have to wash dishes after dinner tonight if we woke Jeongin up before he actually had to get up. If  _you_  wake him up, I’m going to force you to do the dishes alone.” Jisung, he figured, replied.

Jeongin didn’t want his two roommates to hate him for making them have to do the dishes, so he stayed silent, tried to keep his breath even, and acted like he was still sleeping.

He stayed that way until the door to the room open and closed again, and silence fell once again. He was pretty sure that he wasn’t going to be able to sleep anymore, having fallen asleep the night before around eight.

Instead, he rolled onto his back, prying his eyes open and rubbing the sleep away. His face felt puffy and swollen from crying himself to sleep the night before and he knew that if he didn’t wash it this morning he’d probably have a bad breakout, which was the last thing he wanted.

He also had a pressing need to pee, and decided that now was as good of a time as any to face the day. He got out of bed, stumbling his way to the door, pulling it open and squinting at the harsh lights in the hallway.

Entering the hallway was like entering another dimension. It was loud and felt bright? He wasn’t sure how to explain it, but it wasn’t like the dark, gloomy feeling of the bedroom which had the lights off still.

He followed the sound of the voices down the stairs and the hallway opposite the one he had been led through the night before. He entered a kitchen/dining room area, and wrapped his arms around himself awkwardly when all the attention was brought to him.

“Good morning, Jeongin!” Edna greets from her place at the stove, turning off the burner. “Did you sleep well? I’m hoping Jisung and Seungmin didn’t wake you up this morning.”

“Oh. No, they didn’t.” He answers, trying to ignore the feeling of so many people watching him.

“Well,” Edna wipes her hands on the dish towel that he figured must have a permanent spot on her shoulder, “Let me introduce you to the rest of the boys.”

The other people in the room perked up at the mention of them, “This is Chan, Woojin, Changbin, Minho, Felix, and Hyunjin.” She points at each one, and Jeongin feels overwhelmed at the onslaught of names and hellos sent his way.

“H-Hi, I’m Jeongin.” He introduces, keeping his head down.

“Have a seat, have a seat, I have breakfast for you.” Edna tells him, pushing him toward the empty seat at the table.

She pushes him to sit down, “Oh, no, you don’t have to, I’m not hung—”

“Hm,” She cuts him off, “Nonsense, I’ve heard that you haven’t had anything to eat since… that night, and I understand that you’re sad, but you can be sad with food in your stomach.”

Jeongin didn’t know what to say to deny her statement, knowing it was very well true, so he kept his mouth shut and allowed her to set a plate of eggs and toast in front of him. He tried to ignore the eyes still on him and the faint whispering of one of the boys to another asking, “That night? What happened that night?”

He ate quietly, and after a few moments of silence the other boys started to talk again. “I have dance after school today, Edna!” One of the members called.

“But it’s Tuesday, don’t you normally only have dance Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?” She calls back.

“Yeah, but we have a show case coming up and our instructor says we need some extra practice.” Jeongin tried to rack his brain for the boy’s name but couldn’t remember it for the life of him.

“Okay, Chan could you pick him up? I have to take Jeongin shopping today and—”

“Wait, what?” Jeongin’s head pops up at the mention of his name, “You don’t have to! I have things at… at my house.” He says the last part quietly.

The room falls silent, an alarm sounded from the microwave. Edna’s head shoots up, “Oh, I lost track of the time! You all need to leave for school now before you’re all late. Chan are you driving or is Woojin?” She asks.

“I got it!” A boy with dyed blonde hair calls as they all get up, put their dishes in the dish washer and file out of the room, leaving Jeongin feeling awkward and sad about what had happened to him recently.

When the house was silent, Edna sat across from Jeongin and placed her hand on his gently. “Do you want to talk about it?” She asks.

Tears were already filling his eyes, “Why did this happen to me?” He chokes out.

Edna pats his hand sadly, “I wish I had an answer for you, I’m sorry this happened to you. No one deserves to go through what you have. But you’re here, you’re still living and you’re going to get through this. I can tell you’re a strong one, having made it this far already.”

“Why does it feel like I’ll never be happy again, then?” He asks, tears dripping down his face.

“These things take time. Every single one of the boys here went through similar things to you. Abandonment, death… I won’t tell you anything specifically, they’ll tell you if you ask, but you don’t have to be afraid of them.” She says, “They understand. They won’t judge you, if anything they’ll be able to help you through the process of adjusting to life here.”

“I… I don’t know how to talk to any of them.” He tells her truthfully.

“Don’t think too hard about it, you just have to let it happen and come naturally. They’re not going to yell at you or laugh at you or anything that you think is going to happen.”

“O-Okay…” He nods, wiping his face harshly.

“And about your things… The system can be pretty harsh, and I don’t know what we can get because of it being taken as ‘evidence’, but if there’s something specific you want I will fight tooth and nail to get it for you.” She explains.

“I… there’s a picture that was in my room at home.” He starts, “It’s of me and my parents when I was six… it’s the only thing I want.”

“I’ll get it for you, then.” Edna replies firmly, standing up, “Why don’t you go get dressed and stuff and I’ll call Kalum and then we can head out and do some shopping?”

“Okay.” He answers.

Edna directs him to the bathroom, and Jeongin gets dressed and ready as quickly as he can. He doesn’t want to be out for long, and if he can make this trip as painless as he can, he will.

-

The trip wasn’t as bad as Jeongin had expected. He felt less bad about Edna spending money when he learned that it was technically his from the government, and that she gets “paid” in a round-about way for doing this.

He didn’t get a lot, still. Just some clothes and things for school, which Edna said that he had to start no later than the next week. That wasn’t something he was looking forward to in of itself, but he knew it was going to happen sometime. At least no one here knew him, so no one would make any terrible comments about what happened. He was sure that if he was still going to school where he was, that everyone would know because of the news.

Edna had bought him a leather-bound notebook as well and explained to him that eventually the system would put him through therapy as they did with all their placements. Until then, she urged him to write in the notebook about his feelings and the things that happened in his life. It would make his time in therapy easier and go by faster.

He was sitting on his bed against the wall, the notebook in his lap open to the first blank page, a pen sitting in the crease of the book. He didn’t want to touch any of Jisung’s or Seungmin’s stuff on the desk, so he figured he would deal with writing on his lap for now.

He jumped when the door to the room was opened and Jisung and Seungmin came in to drop their stuff off in the room, laughing and talking. “Oh, hi, Jeongin!” Seungmin says, dropping his backpack next to the desk chair.

“Hi.” He says quietly, closing the notebook and putting it under his pillow for now.

“How was your day? Hyunjin tripped  _up_ the stairs today, so I’d say mine was pretty great.” Jisung laughed, flopping onto his back on his bed.

“It… it was okay. I just went shopping.” He wringed his hands in his lap, feeling awkward but the conversation hadn’t gone bad yet, so maybe things would be okay.

“Ah.” Jisung rolled onto his stomach so he could look at Jeongin.

Seungmin had flopped into the desk chair, and somehow the feeling of the room turned more serious. “Are you okay?” Jisung asked seriously.

Jeongin curled into himself. “I—what do you mean?” Jeongin asked, not meeting either boy’s eyes.

“You can talk to us! We just want to get to know you and make you feel welcome here.” Seungmin smiled at him.

Jeongin’s mind short-circuited and he found himself just spitting the first thing that came to mind, “My parents were murdered.”

Jisung and Seungmin stared at him in silent shock and Jeongin cringed, going to fix what he said but was beat to it, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Jisung sat up, “We had no clue, we didn’t mean to make you tell us, I’m sure you’re really hurt and—”

“It’s fine.” Jeongin winced again, “I mean, it’s not fine, my parents are dead but… it’s not your fault. I don’t know why I even said that, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize! It’s good to talk about it, keeping it all inside will just make your life harder.” Seungmin told him. “Like me! I came here about four years ago? I was ten, and my parents were extremely abusive. I ended up in the hospital for a week and my parents were sentenced to like… life in prison or something? I can’t remember exactly, but I used to freak out Chan and Woojin because I would sometimes break down and just start screaming.”

Jeongin was shocked that Seungmin was just telling someone he barely knew this. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“I’m fine now, so things are okay. I used to never talk about it and went through a patch when I was twelve when I turned aggressive and stuff, and my therapist had to really push me to talk about what was going on to get me past it. So, you can talk to us! We’ve all been through bad stuff, we won’t laugh at you.”

Jeongin didn’t know how to respond, “Thank you.” He says, looking up at the other two in the room.

“No problem!” Jisung stood up, “Come on, do you want to come play Mario kart with us? The rest of them want to meet you, too. They interrogated us the entire way to school about what you were like.”

Jeongin was shocked. They asked about him? Why? And even more worryingly, what did Seungmin and Jisung say. “Really? What did you say?”

Seungmin shrugged, “Just that you were really quiet but seemed really nice. Are you going to come play with us?”

Jeongin didn’t know if he should say yes or not. He knew eventually he’d have to get to know the rest of the boys, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to do it  _now_  and playing Mario Kart? What if he sucks at it and they all make fun of him? Oh god, how was he going to say he’s never played? “I… I don’t know. I’ve never played it before.”

“What? Then you have to come play with us!” Jisung says, grabbing his wrist gently and pulling him up, “You can’t say no, now.”

Jeongin didn’t think he could have even if he wanted to, so he allowed Jisung to drag him down the hallway, following behind Seungmin.

When they had walked through the dining room and kitchen area into the living room, a scene hit him he had never seen before. Two of the boys that he couldn’t remember the names of were pushing each other back and forth as they dramatically played some racing game that he figured was Mario Kart. Three were sitting on an arm chair that seemed to be meant for one person, not wanting to be in the crossfire of the intense game that was going down. The one he remembered vaguely to be named Felix was sitting on the floor in front of the arm chair, and it looked like he had originally been  _on_ the chair and shoved to the floor.

“Jeongin came to play with us!” Jisung brought everyone’s attention to the three of them that had just entered.

One of the ones playing the game paused it, “Hi!” He had silvery-purple-y hair and a kind smile, “I’m Chan—I know that Edna introduced us this morning, but you seemed kinda out of it.”

“Oh… uh, yeah.” Jeongin nodded, awkwardly wrapping his arms around himself once again. “I’m Jeongin.” He said, then internally cringed when he realized that they  _obviously_  knew that.

“Okay, then, this is Woojin, he’s the oldest.” Chan pointed at the blonde one from this morning, “Then there’s Minho and Changbin. And it seems half of the 2000 line has adopted you. The other half is Hyunjin and Felix.” Chan introduced the others more slowly, allowing them to say hello and for Jeongin to begin to memorize faces and names.

“Jeongin’s the youngest now!” Seungmin declared, sitting on the floor next to Felix.

“How old are you?” Changbin asks, who had been one of the ones playing when they had come in.

“I… I’m thirteen.” Jeongin answered as he was pulled onto the floor next to Seungmin.

“He’s not _that_ much younger.” The blonde one from earlier, Woojin, points out.

“Shhh, a year is enough for him to call us hyung, Woojin-hyung!” Felix hit Woojin’s leg gently.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Felix, he’s barely met us!” Minho exclaims, then turns to Jeongin, “You don’t have to call any of hyung if you’re not comfortable with that.”

“I—It’s fine. I, I don’t mind.” Jeongin shrugs, not making much eye contact with anyone.

“Tell us something about yourself! We only know your name—was there anything you liked to do before you came here?”  Chan changes the topic.

Jeongin was shocked at the question. Something about himself? What was he supposed to say? Nothing cool was coming to mind, and he didn’t want them to think he was a loser or anything. They seemed really cool, what if they ended up having _nothing_ in common?

“I-I played soccer? And I sang a little.” Jeongin answers.

“Hey, no way! I play soccer too!” Felix reached over Seungmin, his hand in a fist and it took every muscle in Jeongin’s body to _not_ flinch and bump Felix’s fist with his own.

“Do you want to play?” Hyunjin asks, shaking the controller in his hand.

“I… I’ve never played before, I should probably watch first.” Jeongin explains awkwardly.

“You’ve never played before?” Hyunjin echoes.

“I wasn’t allowed to play video games that much, really. I was either told to study or mess around outside. I could only watch TV an hour every day.” His hands had suddenly become the most interesting thing to him.

“Well, you can watch TV whenever you want here.” Hyunjin tells him, giving him a smile—it was honestly one of the nicest smiles Jeongin had seen and reminded him of home.

Changbin presses play with no warning, speeding ahead of Hyunjin’s character and the room exploded in noise again. “You cheated, hyung!” Hyunjin whined.

“I did not, you just weren’t paying attention! That’s your own fault.” Changbin replies, using his entire body to try and turn a corner faster.

It seemed the rest of the boys had divided up into teams on who to cheer for. Felix, Jisung, and Seungmin had turned to cheering on Hyunjin, claiming that they _had_ to stick together. Woojin, Chan and Minho obviously turned to cheering Changbin on, claiming ‘hyung privileges’.

Jeongin sat cross legged watching the entire thing happen. He didn’t feel quite as out of place as he had before, but it was a strange situation. He wasn’t apart of it, necessarily, but he didn’t feel like he was being excluded, with Seungmin and Felix on one side of him, Jisung on the other, and Woojin, Chan, and Minho piled onto the arm chair behind him. He couldn’t say he was happy, obviously, the pressing weight of what had happened still on his shoulders. However, he felt as if he wasn’t going to drown in everything here.

-

_March 14, 2017_

_So. I guess I’m going to try my hand at writing this and see if it really helps like Edna says it will. I’m not really sure how to start… So I guess I’ll start with this._

_My name’s Jeongin, I’m thirteen, and I saw my parents’ dead bodies on my living room floor. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget that, and I haven’t even fully processed what I saw… It was the worst thing I have seen in my entire life, and will probably be the worst thing I will ever see._

_I’m at New Days: A Home For Boys, I’ve been here for four days now, and I don’t really know how to interact with any of the other boys here. There’s only eight, so there’s not a huge group of people, but it’s weird. They’re all really nice and have all been through things too. One of the boys, Seungmin told me that his parents were really abusive, and he was in the hospital for a week when he was ten. And he turned really aggressive because he didn’t talk to anyone about what was going on._

_I don’t want to turn that way, but I don’t know HOW to talk to anyone. How do you tell someone that your parents were murdered, and you found their dead bodies? (And now I’m crying again. That seems to be happening a lot too; I’ll just be sitting there, doing nothing and suddenly I’m crying. Thank god I haven’t done it in front of the others, yet. I don’t know how I would deal with the embarrassment of that.) I told Jisung and Seungmin on accident, it just blurted out, and that’s when Seungmin told me about his parents. I guess, at least my parents loved me, I feel really bad for Seungmin. He says he’s okay now, and I want to be okay too, but I don’t know how I can EVER be okay. My parents are dead._

_I don’t know the stories of any of the other boys. They haven’t told me, yet, and Edna said they would if I asked, but I don’t feel comfortable doing that. They’re all older than me, too, and I don’t know what to say to them. Should I call them hyung or not? They’ve been acting like that, but I don’t know if it’s OKAY to say that. It’s all new to me._

_I start school here in two days. I’m terrified for that. I have a feeling that I’m not going to get along with anyone and that kids are going to be terrible. They always are, and I’m scared. I don’t feel comfortable telling anyone that I’m scared, though. I know anyone I tell will think I’m being a baby, even the others and Edna would. How could they not?_

_I feel tired all of the time too. I’ve been having nightmares, replaying the image of my parents’ bodies in my head over and over again and sometimes I can see them being… murdered. They’re awful nightmares and terrify me. Sometimes I wake up from them and I’m so scared that I can’t move. I haven’t woken up screaming though, which is good, because if I did, it would wake Seungmin and Jisung and I don’t want to do that._

_Everything is scary and new and I’m just sad. I think that’s the best way to describe it all. Sad. I miss my parents, a lot. I just want to curl up into a ball and cry for the rest of my life. I would give ANYTHING to have them back. I wish I could go back, come home early, and then never have them come home when they did. I wish they would have come watch my practice like they do sometimes, instead of going grocery shopping. I would be the perfect child if I could just have them BACK._

_The first two days after they died, I refused to even accept their death. I thought that I would wake up in my room at home and my mom would make breakfast and it would all just be a terrible dream. But it’s not. Or, I guess it is a terrible dream that I’m actually living and I can’t just wake up from it. I wish I could just wake up from it._

_Jisung and Seungmin are probably going to be back from school soon, and I don’t want them to see me writing this. I know that they probably wrote one too, but it’s embarrassing. Even if it’s going to help me, I don’t want to be known as the thirteen year old who kept a diary. I may be the real life Diary of A Wimpy Kid but I don’t want anyone to KNOW that._

_\- Jeongin_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> story title is from the All Time Low song of the same name. ("Last Young Renegade") ((bc i gotta keep up my emo trend of naming ALL of my stories after All Time Low song titles, especially now that I'm seeing them live))
> 
> follow me on [tumblr!](http://bandablee.tumblr.com/)
> 
> follow me on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/xbandable)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously didn't think I was going to have this chapter done in time for the update that I said was going to happen today, but somehow I did! So, here is chapter two, posted on FRIDAY. (You guys don't understand, I'm like 80% sure I've only ever stuck to an update day that I've set like three times. This is a big deal, lol.) (Also RIP to anyone who lives pretty much anywhere other than the west coast of the states bc it's probably Saturday where you are by the time I've updated this.)
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter! :) I love this story a lot, and I'm super excited to write more of it for all of you.
> 
> That being said, however, online school is a lot different than I was expecting, so I don't know if I will be able to update every Friday like I want to. I'll try my hardest, so we'll see what happens!
> 
> Thank you for all of your love and support for this story! <3

When Jeongin woke up Monday morning, exactly six days after his life literally  _fell apart_ , he wanted nothing more than to roll over in the still foreign bed, fall back asleep, and never wake up again. The pressing reality of having to go to a new school, with new kids, and having to stand in front of classes and introduce himself... it all left him wanting to sink into his mattress and become a part of it. 

The light switch flickering on in the room forced him to open his eyes and face the day. "Ugh," Another voice groaned, "What time is it?"

"It's seven, Seungmin, just like it is every morning when I turn the light on." Jisung replies sleepily, and stumbling to the dresser.

There was another groan before Seungmin sits up, and inevitably hits his head on the ceiling. Without even looking up, Jisung chirps, "Careful."

The scene wouldn't have any importance to anyone else, but Jeongin could tell it was routine. Within the first few days, he had seen this same exchange happen every morning except for the first one. Jisung woke up at seven every morning and turned the light on. Seungmin would groan, ask what time it is, and groan again when Jisung would answer. Seungmin would sit up, and almost always hit his head on the ceiling, and Jisung wouldn't even look at him when he tells him to be careful. Every morning.

It showed more to Jeongin just how out of place he was. In their lives, the house, this world the others had created for themselves. He had found out that before him, Felix was the most recent "placement" but had already been there for a year. The others weren't actually excluding him from anything; everyday when they got home, they invited him to join in on their video game competitions and invited him to the movies when they went on Saturday. It was just that he couldn't help feel like he didn't  _fit_ in. This wasn't necessarily a new feeling for him, of course, he felt that way a lot before everything happened. It was just now he didn't have the escape of going home to a place where he felt like things were okay. Here  _was_ "home" now, and the fact that he couldn't feel at peace even here, was a struggle for him.

He didn't know what to do with himself, he spent a lot of his time in the room, writing in the notebook Edna had given him or doodling. He watched a little TV, but sitting in the living room by himself watching TV felt strange and wrong in a way. Jisung had given him full freedom to his CD collection, and so Jeongin listened to music while he wrote or doodled, but not much else.

The idea of having to go to school now was a bittersweet relief. He absolutely did not want to go, in fear of literally  _everything_ he could imagine going wrong. However, the fact that he wouldn't be stuck in the house all day doing nothing was a nice idea. He didn't like the fact that it had to be because of school, but beggars couldn't be choosers, he guesses.

He was broken out of his thoughts with Jisung throwing a button-up shirt at his face. "Hey, you gotta get up, now." He tells him, not unkindly, "School awaits you."

"Can't it wait longer?" Jeongin asks, taking the button-up off his face and sitting up.

Jisung smiles, "It won't be that bad, trust me! Seungmin and I went there last year, everyone's really nice." 

"Yeah!" Seungmin calls from the closet, sticking his head out, "You'll like it there. It's a pretty easy-going place."

"You guys aren't me, though," Jeongin mutters, quietly enough for the other two not to hear, or so he thought.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jisung asks, furrowing his eyebrows, as he pulls his own button-up shirt on.

"Nothing... j-just that people don't really like me when they meet me." Jeongin shrugs, "I'm used to it."

"People don't like you?" Seungmin asks, coming out of the closet, fully dressed in his school uniform, "Are you sure? Because we liked you when we first met you!"

Jeongin doesn't know how to reply. Seungmin was right,  _they_ liked him... or at least they acted like they liked him. He just couldn't be sure that kids his own age would like him. No one had before, so why would it be any different here? He was awkward and quiet, and he thought his braces made him look even younger than he already was, and made his face all disproportional. So, Jeongin just shrugged, "We'll see what happens, then."

He stands up, "It'll be fine! Just gotta be positive, Jeonginnie," Jisung says happily.

Jeongin freezes at the nickname, becoming stiff, as tears filled his eyes. Jisung looks up, confused at the sudden lack of movement, and gasps loudly when he catches sight of Jeongin. His gasp makes Seungmin turn around from where he was patting his bed down for his headphones. Seungmin gasps just as loudly, "Oh my god, are you okay? What happened?"

Jeongin couldn't move, it felt like someone had taken his entire being from his body. Jeonginnie was what his mom called him whenever he was upset or scared. Hearing it come from someone else was strange, and sent him back into the reality of his parents being gone. He had created a barrier in his mind, that convinced himself that this was a separate life from his real one, with his parents. Hearing the nickname broke the barrier down and forced him back into the real world. It was strange, and made his heart hurt, but also gave a weird sense of comfort. He couldn't explain it, and the two conflicting emotions made his head spin. "Jeongin, are you okay? Did I say something?" Jisung asks, gently touching him on the shoulder.

The touch had a similar affect as someone pouring ice water over him. He flinches so hard that it makes Jisung jump, and Jeongin gasps for air, wiping his face furiously, blushing so hard that he felt like the room had gotten ten degrees hotter. "Sorry, I'm sorry, oh my god, I didn't--"

A knock on the door cut him off, and the door was pushed open to show Chan standing there, "Are you guys ready? We have to lea--what happened? Why are you crying? What did they do?" Chan came over, pushing Jisung gently out of the way, and leading Jeongin to sit back on his bed.

"Nothing, n-nothing. They didn't do anything, it's not Jisung's fault," Jeongin starts rambling, "Sorry, I'm sorry."

"Jisung?" Chan asks gently, looking at Jisung who starts shaking his head and raising his hands in surrender.

"I don't know what I did! I was just telling him to be positive about school and then he just completely froze and started to cry, I'm sorry I upset you, Jeongin." Jisung bows his head.

"No, no, no, 's not your fault." Jeongin shakes his head, trying to calm himself down and collect his thought. "Jeonginnie--the nickname--" He gets out, breaths cutting his thoughts of choppily.

"What?" Jisung furrows his eyebrows, before realization hits him hard in the face, "Oh god, I'm sorry, is that something your... your parents would call you?"

Jeongin takes another shaky breath, nodding stiffly, glad the truth was in the air and he was finally able to breathe again. "I'm really sorry." He says, "I didn't mean to scare you guys."

"Hey, it's okay!" Chan shakes his head, "All of us have triggers, I couldn't be touched for the first three months I was here." 

Jeongin wipes his face again, "Trigger?" 

"Yeah," Seungmin speaks up for the first time since the whole thing began, finally gaining his voice again. "They're things that happen or are said that cause you to kinda... break down like that. When I first came here, anytime someone raised their voice in anyway, I would break down in tears. Which wasn't very fun, seeing as everyone was around 12-ish and so it was never quiet."

"I... I didn't know that would happen." Jeongin says, truthfully, feeling drained.

"No one could have expected that to happen, either. Triggers can come out of nowhere, but now we know, and we won't say it." Chan explains.

Jeongin doesn't know why that makes his heart hurt worse than when Jisung actually said the nickname. The thought of  _never_ hearing anyone call him that again made him sadder than the idea of his mom saying it. He shakes his head, "No, don't do that."

"Don't do what?" Jisung asks, "I promise I won't call you it, again,"

Jeongin shakes his head, "No, I... I don't want to never hear it again... It's-It's hard to explain. I mean... it made me sad because it's what my mom would call me, b-but the idea of never hearing it again at all makes me more sad."

 "Okay... so, now you know and we know, so we'll just... see what happens, I guess?" Chan replies, "If it ever makes you too uncomfortable, let us know, and we'll stop calling you that." 

Jeongin nods, and Edna's voice from downstairs breaks them all out of the little bubble they had made. "Boys, breakfast is ready! Hurry up, you're all running late this morning!"

"I still have to get dressed," Jeongin says, looking down at himself, "I don't know if I'll have time for--"

"I'll save you something," Seungmin said, "Just hurry up!" 

The other three leave the room, and Jeongin hurries to get his school uniform on and into the bathroom to brush his teeth and hair. Ten minutes later, his bag is on his back, and Seungmin is shoving three granola bars and an apple into his hands. "Your bus is here!" Seungmin pretty much pushes Jeongin out the door.

Jeongin had to ride the bus because he was the only one still in junior high. Both the high school and the junior high started at the same time, so unless they left early to drop Jeongin off, there would be no way for everyone to be at school on time. So, Jeongin offered just to ride the bus, to avoid anyone having to change their schedules all that much.

He hadn't rode a bus in a long time, though, and he forgot about how loud, dirty, and bumpy they were. He lived close enough to his school that he used to walk, so riding a bus wasn't something he did unless he was going on a school trip. Climbing the steps into the weird smelling vehicle made he remember why he walked, even in the snow.

The bus wasn't too full, and so Jeongin took a seat about three-fourths of the way back, and placed his bag on the seat next to him. He stared out at the window, trying not to let anxiety fill his gut too much. Jisung was right, he just had to try his hardest to be positive. Today would hopefully go by quickly, and then he could go home, write about it in his notebook, and everything would be fine. And, if today didn't go badly, then there was a high chance that tomorrow wouldn't go badly too. He just had to draw the least amount of attention to himself as he could.

The bus pulled up in front of the junior high school. It looked pretty similar to his old junior high, which was a bonus, because that meant that (hopefully) he wouldn't get lost. He stumbled off of the bus behind a short kid who was probably in the sixth grade. 

He found the building with the sign "main office" pretty easily, but had to take a shaky breath before entering the actual office. There weren't many people in the office, just the receptionist and two male teachers, one making copies and the other leaning against the cabinets, sipping coffee, and talking to the other. "Hi! What can I do for you?" The lady asked, smiling at him.

Jeongin bows politely, "Hello. I'm a new student, and I need to get my schedule." He smiles back at her, as kindly as he can.

"Okay, what's your name?" She asks, pushing her chair over to the computer.

"Yang Jeongin."

It was quiet for a few moments as the lady prints off him his schedule and locker info. "There you go!" She hands him the papers, "If you need any help, you can ask just about anyone here! Everyone's pretty nice, and I'm sure they'll be able to help you. I hope you have a good first day!"

"Thank you!" Jeongin smiles at her as he leaves, trying to force his anxiety down.

When he's in the hallway, and not the office, he looks down at the schedule for the first time. His first period was in room 248 and it was math. Wow, he couldn't wait.

It was then that he realized that he had absolutely no clue where to go from here. The anxiety that he was trying to force down burst like fireworks in his stomach, and his hands became twice as sweaty as they were. He didn't know what to do, and the thought of asking someone where to go terrified him. He really didn't want to talk to anyone if he didn't have to. The less he interacted with other students the less of a chance that someone would dislike him and make fun of him for being small and having braces. "Are you okay?" A voice asked, and Jeongin jumps, loosening his grip on the paper that had made it crumple, and looked up.

In front of him was a boy who was way taller than him, but had braces as well, and a kind smile. "I... I don't know where to go, I'm new." Jeongin says quietly.

"I can help you! Let me see your schedule?" The boy asks, and Jeongin hands the paper over, blushing only slightly at the fact that it was so crumpled.

"Oh, hey! We have the same first period! I can just walk you there, if you want?" The boy handed the paper back to Jeongin, smiling even brighter at him.

He wasn't sure how to handle how kind this new boy was. He wasn't used to someone being this bright and smiley when first meeting someone, especially not someone his age. "O-Okay, yes, that would be great. Thank you." Jeongin smiles back at him, a lot smaller than the other's.

"I'm Sanha, what's your name?" The boy--Sanha--introduces, as he starts to walk down the hallway, leading Jeongin.

"I'm Jeongin, it's nice to meet you." He replies kindly.

"Ah, you're so polite!" Sanha grins at him, "Anyway, what brings you here?"

Jeongin's stomach drops. He obviously wasn't going to tell this boy, who was being super nice to him, that his parents had died and he was in a home for boys because his aunt wouldn't take him in. That was sure-fire way to end whatever friendship might come out of this. "I-I moved from my old town... change of scenery, I guess."

"Oh, yeah, my parents did that a few years ago, too. Sucks that it was in the middle of the year, though!" Sanha stops in front of a classroom, "Okay, here it is! The teacher's pretty cool, I guess, but he can be kinda strict if you don't stay on top of your work." 

Sanha opens the door and leads Jeongin into the classroom, where only a few other students were seated. "Most kids don't get here until the bell actually rings, but I normally don't do my math homework the night before, so I show up early so I have time to at least get some of it done." Sanha sits down, and Jeongin stays sanding.

Sanha furrows his eyebrows, "Aren't you going to sit?" He gestures to the seat next to him.

"Oh! Oh, yeah, okay." Jeongin flushes a little, not realizing that Sanha was going to take him to class  _and_ let him sit next to him.

Sanha laughs, but not unkindly, and pulls out a slightly crumpled up worksheet and a pencil and starts scribbling down things. "Mr. Seo is pretty chill about homework, and just gives completion grades. I may not actually do the homework, but the material is easy enough that with the completion grades and my decent test scores, I pass." Sanha winks at him, "But don't tell Mr. Seo. He'd start actually checking my homework if he knew."

Jeongin laughs slightly, finding himself liking the presence of Sanha more and more. He was funny and kind, and Jeongin felt himself feel a bit more comfortable with Sanha there. It just sucks because he knew that it was probably only going to be a first period thing. He'd have to suffer through the other six classes and lunch.

Sanha falls silent as he continues to scribble, slightly more furiously as the first bell rings. He finishes barely, by the time the second bell rings, and all the desks are filled. Mr. Seo walks in a few moments after the bell rings, "Good morning," He greets, and the entire class parrots it back.

After he's set his things down and gotten settled, his eyes fall on Jeongin and light up a little. "Ah! A new student!" He says, clapping his hands.

Jeongin's cheeks flush a little as the attention of the other 25 students is brought to him. He wanted to disappear, because the last thing he wanted to do was introduce himself to a bunch of kids his own age would probably judge the hell out of him. "Why don't you stand up and introduce yourself a little?"

Jeongin's breath catches, but he's able to stand up on shaky legs and smile a little at the class. "Uh, hello. I'm Jeongin, and I... I recently moved here. I-I play soccer? And I sing a little."

He goes to sit down, but Mr. Seo's voice stops him, "Does anyone have any questions for Jeongin?"

His heart stops. He just prayed that no one would ask any more information on why he moved here, but he felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. Someone actually raised their hand, a boy sitting more towards the back of the class, hair a mess, and uniform askew. "Yes, Matthew?"

Matthew? That definitely was a foreigner, "You play soccer? Are you going to try out for the team? We need a few more players." He grins at Jeongin, and the accent is evidence enough that he wasn't from around here.

"I... I hadn't thought about it, I might." Jeongin replies honestly.

"You totally should! It'll be a lot of fun." Matthew says.

"I-I'll think about it, then." Jeongin nods.

Mr. Seo claps his hands again, "Great, anything else?" No one else raises their hands and Jeongin praises the lord, "Okay, then, let's get started with our lesson. I'll exempt you from the assignments from the beginning of the quarter, Jeongin, just pick up where we are, okay? If you need any help, feel free to ask." 

Jeongin gives an affirmative, thanking Mr. Seo as he grabs a notebook out of his bag.

-

Jeongin enters the lunch room apprehensively. He wasn't sure where he was going to sit, and was preparing himself to find an empty corner and sit by himself for the next few months. He rubs his hand up and down his arm as he gets in line, pays for a sandwich, and turns to find a seat.

He's about to head to the right corner next to the door leading outside when a voice stops him, "Jeongin! Over here!"

He startles a little, looking around before his eyes settle on Sanha who's waving at him, sitting next to Matthew and a few other boys. Jeongin's heart soars a little at the fact that Sanha was wanting to hang out with him outside of first period, and the fact that it seemed he was friends with the other nice boy from first.

No one in his other classes had been  _mean_ , or anything. in fact, they'd all been pretty cool, except for a girl in his history class who had whispered to her friend that his braces seemed too big for his mouth. The other girl had hit her on the shoulder, scolded her for being mean, and turned away, though, so it made Jeongin feel a little better. Everyone else had been kind to him, but hadn't really put in any effort to sit next to him or talk to him like Sanha had.

He maneuvers his way through the lunch room, and takes the empty seat across from Sanha and Matthew. "How's your first day been so far?" Sanha asks him, shoving rice into his mouth.

Jeongin unwraps his sandwich slowly, "It's been okay. No one's been mean... I mean except one girl in my history class." 

Matthew head shoots up, a fry halfway in his mouth, "Who?" He says, mouth full, "I'll fight them."

Jeongin smiles at his sandwich, shrugging, "i don't know her name, but her friend scolded her for being mean and turned away from her, so I felt okay."

Matthew nods in realization, "It was probably Rosie and Aimee, then." Matthew says, "Rosie tries to act all tough and mean, but Aimee's her best friend and always shuts her down. I don't know how they're still friends, honestly."

Sanha laughs, almost choking on his rice, "You've lived here for four months, why are you talking about them like you've known them all your life?"

"Maybe I feel like I have, Sanha." Matthew turns to him, "Have you ever thought about that? Or my feelings? No, you just like to make fun of my American accent."

Matthew sulks playfully, and Sanha grins before saying in a really bad American-surfer accent, "Chill out braaaaah,"

It makes Jeongin laugh harder than he had in over a week, and Matthew loses the pout just to laugh at him too. "Aw yeah, I made Jeongin laugh first!" 

Jeongin flushes a little, "It was a pretty awful impression, to be honest."

Matthew laughs loudly, grinning, "See! That's what I've been telling you since you first did it, Sanha." 

It was Sanha's turn to pout, "Moonbin-hyung told me it was good."

Matthew shakes his head, "That's because all of your older friends are too nice to tell you when something you do sucks. But I'm not, and your American accent sucks." Matthew shrugs.

Sanha turns away from Matthew, pout on his face still. "Annnnyyyway," Matthew holds the word out, "Are you seriously going to try out for the soccer team?" He asks Jeongin.

"I... I don't know if I should. I wasn't very good at it, and none of my old teammates really liked me. I don't want to ruin your team's teamwork." Jeongin was now messing with the rolled up plastic wrap from his sandwich and the cap to his water bottle to have something to do with his hands.

"They didn't like you? How? You may be really quiet, but you're nice!" Matthew furrows his eyebrows, "Anyway, you can't be  _that_ bad if you were on a team. And we can't play any games unless we get another player or two. We have exactly the amount we need, but because we're a junior high team, our coach won't play anyone for a full game. He needs switch outs!" 

"I'll have to ask and see if I can, I don't want to bother anyone if their schedules are too busy." Jeongin says.

"Well let me know, okay? I'll talk to coach and everything so you won't have to." Matthew grins again.

Jeongin nods, really liking how nice Matthew was. It seems that Sanha was done pouting too, and turns back into the conversation. "Bother anyone? Do you have a big family, or something?" He asks, leaning on his elbow.

Jeongin's mind short circuits. He didn't want to lie, he  _hated_ lying to anyone. But he couldn't just say his... friends, or anything, because that would be weird. That would be weird, right?

Thankfully, the bell ringing saved him from having to answer the question, as Matthew shoots up. "Come on, Sanha, if we're late again to Literature 101, we'll get detention and my mom will  _kill_ me and send my body back to America."

Sanha scoffs at the dramatics, but allows Matthew to pull him up and away from the table. "See you later, Jeongin!"

Jeongin waves at the duo before they disappeared out of the lunch room. He stands up himself, navigates his way through the crowd to the garbage bins, and finds his way to his next class.

He didn't see either Sanha or Matthew for the rest of the day, which sucks, but it wasn't too bad. He had another class with Aimee during the afternoon, and she leaned over to apologize for Rosie. "I know you heard her," She says, shaking her head, "Matthew told me last period. I'm really sorry, she can be really mean sometimes, but I'm pretty sure she's just insecure. She doesn't mean it, and if you told her to stop, she definitely would."

Jeongin tells her that it's fine, but doesn't mention that it's because he's used to it. As long as she didn't say anything again, he would be okay, he figured.

He was pleasantly surprised when the day ended and he boarded the bus, feeling... content. Not happy, but content. He liked Matthew and Sanha a lot. They were both really nice and funny, and had taken him under their wing when he was sure that no one would. He had definitely been proven wrong, and nothing here was like it was at his old junior high. Everyone here was actually  _nice_. It must be something in the water, here, he decided. There was no way that anyone would be that nice just because.

When he entered the house, he could hear everyone in the living room. He was feeling lighter than he had in since he had come, so he sets his bag under the ninth hook in the mud room, and doesn't head straight up to his room, but instead goes into the kitchen to grab a drink, and then into the living room.

"Hey! You're home!" Hyunjin says excitedly when Jeongin enters the room. "How was your first day?"

Jeongin allows himself to smile a little, "It was actually really good."

"That's all you're going to say?" Woojin rolls onto the floor dramatically, "As the oldest I demand more details."

"Well, I was pretty freaked out this morning, I didn't know where to go and didn't want to ask anyone. But then this kid, Sanha, asked me if I was okay and we ended up having first period together. Then my math teacher made me introduce myself to the entire class which was actually really embarrassing, especially because he asked them if they had any questions for me, and someone  _raised their hand_. But it turned out okay, his name was Matthew, and he wanted me to try out for the soccer team after I said I played." Jeongin explains.

"Are you going to?" Felix asks.

"I might, he seemed to really want me to. Because, at lunch, Sanha let me sit with them, and it turns out they're friends. Matthew is from America, and he's really cool. He really wanted me to play. So, I might, but I don't know because I don't want anyone to have to go out of their way to get me from practices, or anything." Jeongin flops downonto one of the only seats left in the living room.

"It wouldn't be an issue, you should do it!" Minho wraps an arm around his shoulders, "It'd be fun! Was anyone else cool?"

"No one else really said anything to me. I guess, except for this one girl, who was kinda rude." Jeongin flinches a little at the memory.

"What did she say? Do I need to fight someone?" Changbin asks, cracking his knuckles for dramatic affect, and getting shoved by Chan.

"She said that my braces were too big for my mouth, but then her friend scolded her for being mean, and apologized to me later in the day for her." Jeongin says. "So it turned out okay, everyone was nicer than my old school, so that was a major perk."

"See? I knew things were going to be okay!" Seungmin grins, "I was right."

"Actually,  _I'm_ the one who said that you just had to be positive," Jisung corrects, and Jeongin smiles at the slight bickering between the two.

"Anyway, we were about to play mario kart again, wanna play?" Chan asks, shaking a Wii remote in the direction of Jeongin who nods, and catches it when it's tossed to him.

-

_March 18, 2017_

_Today was the first day of school for me at my new junior high. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I was expecting, and I'm actually kinda excited to go tomorrow. I never thought I would say that, but kids were actually nice to me, and the teachers are really chill about me not doing any of the old assignments and just starting off where they are now._

_I wouldn't say things are great, but the fact that school won't suck as much as I thought it would will make everything just that bit easier. It makes me feel lighter knowing that I won't have to struggle through bad days at school just to come back to a place where I still don't feel like I fit in. The two kids i met at school, Sanha and Matthew, both put in a lot of effort into making me feel included. They're both really nice and funny, and made me actually laugh. I hadn't laughed like that since before everything with my parents happened._

_Of course, I'm still devastated, and I will be for a long time. Especially because Edna told me that the funeral was going to be in a week. My aunt is doing it all, and honestly, I'm going to go, and rub it into her face that she let her only nephew live somewhere new. I know that in heaven, my mom is absolutely seething. When my aunt dies, my mom is going to kill her again in heaven for letting this happen to me. I know it. Kalum is going to come back and get me for it, and Edna says that the other boys will come if I want them to. I don't know if I do want them to, only Jisung and Seungmin know what actually happened. I know they all know that something happened to my parents, but I think they think that they're in prison or something, not... dead. I don't know if I'll be ready to tell them by the time it happens in week._

_But Jisung and Seungmin have been really nice to me, so maybe I'll ask just them to come. But I don't know if that would make the other's angry or anything, so maybe I won't do that, actually. I don't want them to be mad at me or feel mad at Jisung or Seungmin for being the ones to come with me. Yeah, definitely not going to do that, nevermind. That was a terrible idea, I don't know why I thought that would work. All of my relationships with people here are too fragile to single people out like that. As if they would really want to go with me to a funeral where I'm probably going to cry non-stop for the entire thing and all the way back, and probably after that too._

_I don't want to write about it too much, all of my entries up to this point have been about how sad I am and how much I want my parents back. I definitely still do, god, with all my heart. But I've thought about it a lot, after each entry I've written, and I can just FEEL in my heart that my mom is disappointed with me. Of course, she wants me to miss me, but I know that she's watching over me and hating the fact that I'm so sad and letting it affect me so much. I can tell she wants me to make friends and be okay again, and I know that Sanha and Matthew are good people, and she's happy about that, but I also know that she wants me to be okay at home too. And this is home now._

_I miss her so much, and my dad. I know he would want me to be strong and get through this, too. I'll do everything I can to not make them disappointed in me, even in heaven. That's the last thing I want to do. I want to make them proud of me, and I know they're watching over me, and rooting for me. I can feel it. And I'm still going to be sad, of course, I'll probably always be sad about it. I don't see how I could_ **_not_ ** _be sad about it, and I think my parents know that, too. I also think that want me to be me still, and not like this change who I am completely. I don't think they want me to cry about this forever._

_I'll try my hardest to do that. I want them to see that I'm still thinking of them, but that I'm trying to do the things they would want me to do._

_So-Mom, Dad, if you're somehow there, reading this, I want you to both to know that I love you so much and I miss you with every piece of my being. I want you back, I want to hug you one last time. I want us to be happy again. But, those are thins I can't have... so, instead, I'll do everything I can to make you proud of me. I'll do everything I can to be happy again._

_-Jeongin_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DON'T WORRY - even though this chapter focuses on Jeongin in school and others his age, not all the chapters will be school-related and this story will still very much focus on SKi and the other members. However, the differences in schooling from his old school to this new one is really important in his grieving process and being okay with what's going on! I hope that makes sense, haha. (Am I creative with names? Sometimes, but spot the ones I actually based off of real people!)
> 
> This chapter is slightly shorter than the last one, by about a thousand words or so, I think. I was going to write a little more, but I felt like this was where it needed to stop. 
> 
> I'll try everything I can to have another chapter out by next Friday! Thank you so so much for reading, I love you all!
> 
> _OKAY so this is totally irrelevant to this story but I AM SO EXCITED THAT I HAVE TO SHARE THIS WITH ALL OF YOU ADDJFD_
> 
> _My sister bought me and her floor seats to Fall Out Boy in October and I cannot WAIT. I seriously cannot believe that I'm going to see Fall Out Boy live, let alone with floor seats like what the HELL. I love my sister so much adjfiajd ((Also in October I'll be able to say I've see the living 2/3 of the emo trinity??? What?)) AND I get to see All Time Low in April, so this year is going to be a GREAT year for concerts ajdifja_
> 
> _Okay, okay, sorry I'm sure like none of you care, lol, I just needed to share that!_
> 
> Come follow me on [tumblr!](http://bandablee.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Come follow me on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/xbandable)
> 
> ((i tweet a lot about 5sos/all time low/fall out boy/panic! at the disco, but i tweet about kpop too!))


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